I got punched

Back in 1983, I was a third grader.

I loved 3rd grade and I loved my teacher and I loved the new girl that moved to Berthold and I loved mashed potatoes & gravy and I loved shooting BB guns and I loved the song "Centerfold."*

I had two traumatic things happen to me in 3rd grade. One was the day all the boys got sent to the superintendent's office for punching each other in the nuts.

Our superintendent was about 6'6" and he was a monster. Literally, he seemed like a monster to us. (We called him, "King Kong.")

Anyways, he saw us right outside his office window "baggin'" each other! He kicked the school's main entry door open and shouted at us 9 year-olds to get into his office. He lined us up in his office and asked how we would feel if he'd "bag" us in the balls.

I think I was about 4 feet tall. Someone that was 200 pounds heavier than I was and who was 3 1/2 feet taller than me was asking a pretty easy question.

He scared the heck out of us and you know what? Nobody in the third grade ever, and I mean ever, got hit in the jewels again.

The other traumatic event was when I got punched for defending a girl's honor.

A kid named Randy decided to say something mean to our classmate, Kristy. I didn't think it was so nice so I really showed him! I took my winter gloves and flicked him in the nose.

Well, Randy did not think that was so nice so he showed me and punched me in the gut.

Guess what? Second trip to the superintendent's office in one month.

I don't remember all the details of the "office," but what I do recall as being strange was that Randy came to my house everyday after school to wait for his parents to pick him up. So, after school, Randy and I grabbed our stuff and walked home together.

The other day I was wondering when was the last time I got punched? I really think the last time I was punched was in the 3rd grade. I occasionally get fake punched for not seeing a Volkswagon Bug or when I lose at this game where you can't look at someones fingers shaped in an "O." I really think the last time I was punched for real was in the 3rd grade.

However, that all changed just a couple days ago.

The other day I decided to taunt our baby.

I decided that I would start talking to our baby and was attempting to be funny, but instead, our baby punched me through the womb!

That's the day I realized that I would rather be punched by a baby, than by a monster or Randy.




* In the 3rd grade, Mrs. Hall let a student each week be the V.I.P.. That student got to be the line leader and make a bulletin board with a list of favorites. My favorite color in 3rd grade was black and my favorite song was "Centerfold." If I can find the picture of me standing by my board with Mrs. Hall, I will show you. There I stand. Tinted glasses and a sign that says, "Centerfold."