Monday we got a call letting us know our in vitro won’t work this time.

So what now? Now, we cling to your prayers and your love, and beyond that, we're not sure. In these years of trying to have a baby, we have had hopeful weeks of exciting anticipation of becoming parents, we just assume we’re going to get pregnant. We don’t “plan” on it not working; we “plan” on it working. We share ideas about a nursery or wander in the aisles of Target looking at infant clothing, not outline an action plan for disappointment.

So, for the next few days, or weeks, (I don’t know), we will grieve our loss, not “figure out” what’s next. So far, in just a matter of hours, both of us have bounced around many places grief takes us – sadness, anger, disbelieve, numbness. You name it.

What is such a gift is that you have been so good to us for checking how we are doing and sharing your thoughts and prayers. We know you have been hoping only the best for us. I was looking forward to putting up a new post on the blog letting you know it worked. But, it won’t be today.

Our pastor, Pastor Carol, has been so kind to us and sent us of to Fargo a couple weeks ago with a service of blessing. The prayers she offered have meant so much to us and will continue to be. Maybe someday I can share those with you. She also shared with us scripture from the Psalms. Right before we took off for Fargo for this hopeful event, she shared with us the words of Psalm 139. Psalm 139 also happened to be the same scripture we used at our wedding 11 years ago.

We would love to continue to have your prayers and if you can, take a look at Psalm 139.

We do have another appointment on Wednesday, but without promising news from the first blood test, it’s not an appointment that will change these results.

There is no doubt about it—we are heart-broken about this and surrounded by so much love and prayers.

Thank you.

Psalm 139
1 O LORD, you have searched me
and you know me.
2 You know when I sit and when I rise;
you perceive my thoughts from afar.

3 You discern my going out and my lying down;
you are familiar with all my ways.

4 Before a word is on my tongue
you know it completely, O LORD.

5 You hem me in—behind and before;
you have laid your hand upon me.

6 Such knowledge is too wonderful for me,
too lofty for me to attain.

7 Where can I go from your Spirit?
Where can I flee from your presence?

8 If I go up to the heavens, you are there;
if I make my bed in the depths, [a] you are there.

9 If I rise on the wings of the dawn,
if I settle on the far side of the sea,

10 even there your hand will guide me,
your right hand will hold me fast.

11 If I say, "Surely the darkness will hide me
and the light become night around me,"

12 even the darkness will not be dark to you;
the night will shine like the day,
for darkness is as light to you.

13 For you created my inmost being;
you knit me together in my mother's womb.

14 I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
your works are wonderful,
I know that full well.